Why Weight Is So Hard in Recovery from an Eating Disorder

When we talk about recovery from anorexia, one word seems to take centre stage more than any other: weight. It becomes the focus of appointments, check-ins, treatment plans, and sometimes, the marker of “how well” someone is doing. And yet, for the person in recovery from an eating disorder, this focus can feel unbearable — confusing, intrusive, and deeply distressing.

Why is something so essential for physical health and survival also such a profound source of fear and pain?

Because for someone with anorexia, weight is never just about the number.

It’s about identity, safety and control; value and worth — all tangled up in painful beliefs shaped by trauma, fear, perfectionism, and an illness that distorts perception so thoroughly it can feel impossible to trust one’s own body.

Weight Is Not the Whole Story — But It’s Always There

As a practitioner, I often sit beside clients as they navigate the rollercoaster of emotions that come with seeing weight as both the goal and the enemy. Clinically, we know weight restoration is critical for brain function, hormone balance, and emotional regulation. Without nutrition, healing cannot happen. But to someone in recovery, that same weight gain can feel like failure, shame, and loss.

The distress is real — and so is the need.

So, we walk the line. We acknowledge that weight restoration matters. But we also hold space for the grief and fear that comes with it. Because it’s not just about gaining kilos. It’s about letting go of a coping mechanism, a way of feeling “safe” in a chaotic world.

Everyone's Focus — But Not Always the Right One

There’s something profoundly difficult about how much attention weight receives — from family, from health professionals, and even from the person recovering. There’s pressure to “hit the target weight,” to “be doing well” because the scale has shifted — and yet, the internal struggle often remains invisible.

This can feel incredibly invalidating.

You might hear:

• “But you look healthy now.”

• “You’re fine — you’ve gained weight.”

• “It must be such a relief to be out of the danger zone.”

And yet, internally, the battle might be louder than ever. The fear, the noise, the relentless critical voice don’t magically fade just because the body changes. In fact, for many, it intensifies.

Holding Space for Complexity

Recovery is not linear. Weight gain doesn’t equal emotional healing. And emotional healing doesn’t always look like progress on a chart.

But what I want to say, both as a clinician and a compassionate human being, is this: your distress is valid. Your fear is real. And your courage — to keep going, to keep choosing recovery despite the discomfort — is extraordinary.

You are not weak for struggling with weight gain. You are not vain. You are not broken.

A Different Kind of Progress

At Stepping Stones, I remind my clients often: that weight is one piece of the puzzle — an important one, yes — but not the whole story. True progress is measured in:

• Saying “yes” to one more bite when everything in you says “no.”

• Challenging a food rule.

• Letting someone in.

• Crying after a weigh-in and still coming back next week.

• Sitting in discomfort and staying anyway.

These are the markers of healing. Not just the scale.

You Are More Than a Number

To those in recovery: I see your pain. I see your strength. And I see the person beneath the weight — and far beyond it.

You are not alone. And you are not defined by a number.

Let’s keep walking together, one step — one stone — at a time.