What I Wish Parents Knew Before Feeding Therapy

Most parents arrive at feeding therapy exhausted.

Not just physically, but emotionally — worn down by years of worry, second-guessing, and trying everything they can think of to help their child eat “normally”.

If that’s you, here are a few things I wish you knew before you began.

Your child is not being difficult — they are struggling

The refusal, rigidity and distress you see at mealtimes are not behavioural problems.They are signs of a nervous system that feels unsafe.

Young people with feeding difficulties (including ARFID) are not trying to be controlling or stubborn. They are overwhelmed. When we understand this, our response softens — and real change becomes possible.

Feeding therapy is slower than you expect, and deeper than you realise

Progress doesn’t always look like new foods straight away.

Often it looks like:

• staying at the table

• tolerating food nearby

• touching or smelling unfamiliar foods

• coping with anxiety instead of panicking

These are not small steps. They are the foundations of long-term change.

We don’t build brave eating through pressure.We build it through safety.

You have probably already been doing your best

I meet parents every week who feel they are failing.

What I see are parents who:

• plan every meal carefully

• carry constant worry about nutrition and growth

• hold their breath through dinner

• love their child deeply

Feeding difficulties are genuinely hard. Feeling overwhelmed does not mean you’re doing it wrong.

Your calm matters more than the perfect strategy

Children regulate through the adults around them. When you feel calmer, meals feel safer. When meals feel safer, change becomes possible.

You don’t need to be perfect — just safe enough.

Progress is rarely straight-line

There will be good weeks and hard weeks.

Setbacks don’t mean therapy isn’t working. They usually mean your child is tired, overwhelmed, growing, or learning new skills.

Healing is messy. That’s normal.

You don’t have to do this alone

Feeding therapy isn’t about replacing parents. It's about supporting you.

Helping you understand what your child’s behaviour is communicating. Sitting beside you when things feel heavy.And slowly changing the story around food in your home.

There is nothing wrong with your child

They are not broken.

Sensitive nervous systems need sensitive support.

That is not weakness. It’s wiring.

A final thought

If mealtimes feel tense…If you’re constantly worrying about nutrition…If you’re afraid of making things worse…

You are not alone.

And you are not failing.

You are responding to something genuinely difficult — with love.

And that already matters more than you realise.