I always used to wonder if I was the only one that could hear it, constantly at me to watch what I was eating or to make sure I was doing some sort of exercise. Sometimes it just came out of no where- when I was out with my family; at home; trying to sleep; in class; but it was particularly strong when I was at the dinner table or when I had been forced out to eat with friends or my family. I hated going out, I hated the way it made me feel- I was a failure no matter what I choose- my friends and family would think that I was being rude and anti-social and ED would me feel that I was "fat".
Then I remember one day a friend of mine saying to me "you used to be so much fun to hang out with but now you always just want to go home". It made me wonder, had I really lost my sense of fun, my personality?
Don't get me wrong, I didn't "recover" the next day as a result of her saying this to me; but it made me realise that the best years of my life were passing me by- I was unhappy and alone and I hated it, even more I hated ED for making me feel like this. I was existing and not living.
It was from then though that I decided to take a leap of faith, the path I was taking was no longer working for me, it went against my values and beliefs- I wanted my life back, my whole life.
It's a hard road but sometimes it these challenges in life that make you appreciate how amazing life can be when you're free!